Men, we have to stop making excuses for why you do not have to be daddies to your kids. Guys if you are raising boys, raise them!! Do not allow the streets to do it. Man up! I understand that you may not have had a man in your home, while you were growing up. Set a different standard for your kids. If you do not know how or what that means pick up a book, join a men’s group the best way to display growth is asking for help.
Raising your son is more than raising him to be tough. Tough is not the only display of manhood. Raise him to be smart and tough. Teach him to respect his mother and sister. Teach him to respect authority. Teach him to be articulate. Teach him that his appearance matters. Teach him that as young black men we are going to have it harder than most. Teach him with the tools that you have set forth he will be able to get through, tell him that he can be anything he wants to be. When you say it he will believe it. Teach him to be his own man and to work for what he wants. Now, show by example. If you are in a low-income household you are still able to teach him that even though you all don’t have much, to cherish what you do have. Teach them that there is something positive in every bad situation. You will be surprised if you teach a child these things, there will be a day when your faith is weak and that same child can and will remind you of those lessons. Dad’s it is ok to tell your son’s you love them. If they know they have the love they will now how to give it.
Fella’s we can’t think that it is ok to be just your son’s homie! If you sit around and have the same conversations with your son that you do with your friends you are sending the wrong message. It’s ok to have a cool relationship because you don’t want them to feel they can confide in you, but with anything, there is a balance. You have to be a daddy, not drop by a dad who gives money and gifts and keeps it pushing onto the next baby mom’s house for the Saturday drive by. It is imperative that you are in on homework, parent-teacher conferences, field trips, these things are impactful for your kids. It’s not just the mom’s responsibility. You can only limit yourself to generic conversations with your kids. You should know the different milestones in their life because you were there to see them, not because of messages re-laid by the mom or your mother. It’s also important to treat the mother of your child with respect especially when the child is around. It is also ok to buy cards and small gifts for them on special occasions for your son to give to their mom. So they understand how to properly treat their mother.
Your baby girls, you are the first man in their life. It is very important to let them know that they are your world. Most little girls look for validation from Daddy! When their hair gets combed it is important that you tell her how pretty or beautiful she is. You need to be their first date, at an early age so she knows how a man is supposed to treat her. Dress her up and make sure that it is only you and her call it a date. You should take them to nicer restaurants every now and again, so when another man does it, they aren’t as impressed. Your little girl should never see you disrespect their mothers. All these things are the deposits into your kid’s self-worth. If all they see is your back you are devaluing them and bankrupting their value. As a man, it is important that you speak of faith and relationships with your higher being. As men, it never registers how much of an impact you have on your kids. The thing is there is a difference in saying and knowing it and doing it. Your time means more than any birthday gift or Christmas gift. Even though we don’t like to admit as men when we are in love or if we are hurt in any situation. Even though we don’t discuss it we have all experienced it. If you are your daughter’s first love would you want to be her first heartbreak? I’ll wait…. R U ready?
Thanks for your continued support!!
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Reblogged this on Forever Black Effusion.
Now this is some real talk. Every black man needs to read this.
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This needs to be passed out like a pamplat! As a mother no one wants their son to be soft but there’s levels to a boy becoming a man! There’s a difference between a Daddy and a Father! I feel like if all you teach your son to be is hard then he’ll grow up angry because he doesn’t know how to express himself! A lil emotion never hurt nobody! The hardest of brothers like my boy DMX just wanted to be loved! Men, Black Men Stand UP!! Get SERIOUS!!!
Well Said, Mrs. T! It is important for the future of our young men!
Very well put